I'm afraid. There it is. I said it.
There is so much inside of my head, and, over there, that hottie with the body who married me (and stays married to me every day despite me being...me) tells me constantly that I need to be writing. I know I need to be writing, I want to be writing, but I don't. I started this blog last year, and since then, have let it sit. I get blog posts in my head every day that I never write down. I get series ideas that (at least in my brain) are borderline genius, that have stagnated until they just evaporate.
For me, it is really easy to pull out my "I do so much and have a lot on my plate" card. Too easy, because I do. People don't bat an eyelash when I say I'm really busy. Why would they? I am. Deep down, though, I know it is a cop out. Yes, I do a lot. Yes, I have a super crap ton of obligations and responsibilities, but I have time to write. Period. When it comes down to it, I know that I have to put time into getting out there, what is essentially my only true method of communication. Writing is the only way I can talk, and have what comes out be really me.
I read so many other bloggers out there, and I know there is an intimidation factor going on. There are so many crazy talented writers in the bloggy universe that it would be crazy NOT to feel inferior. Zany, hilarious, and insightful people who have something to say, and people following them, who want to read what it is. I am afraid that I won't measure up.
Well, the fact is, maybe I will, and maybe I won't. Either way, I need to be writing. Even if it's only you reading this, mom.
My prayer this year is that our cup becomes bigger, you know, big enough that there is room to carry it around without spilling on the floor, even after all the "hot steaming stuff" that makes up our world is in there. There is always so much going on in our lives that it feels like we are on overflow, daily, and even more exciting things come into our world every time I turn around (seriously, every. single. time.). I spent a lot of years and enormous amounts of energy being boilingly frustrated and overwhelmed by our busy life, and not a single ounce of that energy made it any less busy (or even burned a calorie, what the heck kind of crap is that?!). Crazily enough, all it did do, was add terrible stress, making me into the never attractive frazzled-mess mom (who could have seen that coming?). I always was doing a million things, and was never really present in any of them, because I was always worried about the next 10 things on the list.
Finally it hit me (you know, like a wood plank to the side of the head), I know that my provider is limitless. So instead of asking for things to be taken away, which has always been my default, I got a revelation..why not just ask for more capacity? Not impossible when you are talking about the one who has capacity in endless supply. So far, it has been a way easier way to approach things. Weird.
I'm sure I'm not the first or the last to be stuck in a paralysis of fear or the mind bog of busy. I love and am forever grateful that, for me, writing is so cathartic. It feels like prayer and therapy. It feels like sanity. It feels like home. For what it is worth, I am going to write. I am going to say something every day. I am a big believer in faking it til' you make it. But let's change it up a bit. Going forward, I am going to 'faith it until I make it'. I have faith in the God given gifts and talents that I have been given as a writer and liver of this life. So, now, it's time to work. It is the same advice I give my kids, husband, friends, and anyone else who has ever been silly enough to ask me for advice. It is the basis for the name of the blog, and it comes from my favorite book in the bible James 2:26 "For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead"
We are a family who believes in walking the walk. I'm the momma of said family-and there are a lot of legs around here, so dang it, I guess I better get on walking. See y'all tomorrow, then.